EIGHTY AGAIN: BITCOIN'S 0.7% JULY

TIMELINE B, July 30. With thirty-six hours left in the month, Bitcoin touched $80,000 — a level our universe's prediction markets gave a 0.7% chance of seeing before August.

The move began Tuesday at 3 AM UTC, as all significant Bitcoin moves are legally required to. Analysts described the chart as "vertical, then rude." By Wednesday morning, the phrase "supply shock" had been said aloud on television 214 times, a new single-day record tracked by the Meridian Media Desk.

"I have been short since Tuesday and I would like to state, for the record, that I am fine," said a pseudonymous trader known as GlassCandle, who was not fine. "This is fine."

Exchanges reported record traffic. Hardware wallet sales tripled. A man in Lisbon who forgot his seed phrase in 2022 was heard screaming into the Atlantic.

At press time, Timeline B's own prediction markets were pricing "Bitcoin $100k by September" at 4% — which, in this universe, should worry absolutely everyone.

— Timeline B. In our universe, the odds of this were 0.7%.